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Sunday, October 26, 2014

"FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS"


 Family is one of the significant elements in our lives. There are many ways on how to define family, but one thing is common. It is the love and care. Whether a family is a nuclear family, single-parent family, cross-generational family,adoptive/foster family, never married family, blended family, or a same sex parents, it is usually consist of related people that give love and care to each member of their family. No family is perfect. There are times that you argue and even fight. You even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, family is still a family. No matter what happened, love and care will always be there.
This post will provide you essential information that can improve and strengthen your relationship in your family and how your emotions affect your health. 

What makes a Family Strong and Successful?

There are at least five "L's" which contribute to strong family relationships.

Learning - It said that home is our first school because we learned many things in our family. We learn values, skills, and behavior. Strong families manage and control their learning experiences. They establish a pattern of home life. The parents' guide their children in their every action. Parents are the role model of their children.  Strong families teach by example and learn through experience as they explain and execute their values.

Loyalty - In family relationships, one of the most important thing is loyalty. Lack of loyalty is one of the major failure that cause broken families. Strong families have a sense of loyalty and devotion toward family members.  Loyalty builds through sickness and health, want and good fortune, failure and success, and all the things the family faces.




Love - is at the heart of family. All humans have the need to love  and to be loved; the family is normally the placed where the love is expressed. Love is the close personal blending of physical and mental togetherness. It includes privacy, intimacy, sharing, belonging, and caring. The atmosphere of real love is one of honesty, understanding, patience, and forgiveness. Such love does not happen automatically; it requires constant daily effort by each family member. It takes time, affection, and a positive attitude.

 Laughter - is a good medicine. Humor is an escape valve for family tension. Through laughter we learn to see ourselves honestly and objectively. Building a strong family is serious business, but if taken too seriously, family life can become very tense. Laughter balances our efforts and gives us realistic view of things. To be helpful, family laughter must be positive in nature. Laughing together builds up a family. Families that learn to use laughter in a positive way can release tensions, gain a clearer view, and bond relationships.

 Leadership - is essential. Family members, usually the adults, must assume responsibility for leading the family. If no one accepts this vital role, the family will weaken. Each family must set a certain rules and guidelines. These rules are based on the family members' greatest understanding of one another, not forces. The guidelines pass along from the adults to the children by example, with firmness and fairness.Strong families can work together to establish their way of life, allowing children to have a voice in decision making and enforcing rules. However, in the initial stages and in times of crisis, adult family members must get the family to work together.

Characteristics of a Strong Family

Commitment - Sometimes good relationships end not due to the absence of love but because of the lack of commitment and dedication. Each member of the family must value family unity in order to have a strong family.

 Appreciation - Members of strong families show and talk about their appreciation for one another. Along with our need for love, our most important human need is the need for appreciation.

 Communication - Without communication there is no relationship. Members of strong families work at developing good communication skills with each other. It is the way that love and emotions are expressed. It depends on us if the communication in our family is effective or ineffective.

Time together - Strong families spend time - quality time in large quantities - with each other. Some families may say, " We don't spend much time together as a whole family, but what little time we are together is quality time." The studies on strong families indicate that both quality and quantity are necessary for good relationship formation and maintenance. A lot of time together filled with bickering and arguing won't make for a strong family.

Spiritual wellness - Whether they attend formal religious services or ceremonies or not, strong family members have a sense of greater good or power in life, and that belief gives them strength and purpose. Spirituality is describe by some as a force that helps us reach beyond ourselves and become a part of something larger than ourselves. Spirituality helps family member maintain a positive outlook in life, provides guidelines for living and provides a sense of freedom and peace.

Coping ability - Members of strong families are able to view stress or crisis as an opportunity to grow and learn. They have good coping skills. A history of problem-solving increases our confidence that we can deal with things that comes our way. A variety of coping strategies have been found in strong families, including the following:
  • The ability to find something positive, in any situation and to focus on that positive element. Counselors refer to this as "re framing."
  • Family members unite and pull together when things get rough. No one individual within the family has to bear the total responsibility for resolving the situation. By sharing the responsibility, every family member can focus on the things he or she can do to help solve the problem.
  • Strong families get outside help when needed. While many problems or crises can be resolved within the family, strong families are smart enough to know when they are in over their heads. They are not hesitant to seek the assistance of outside resources, such as their church or synagogue, friends, neighbors, extended family, or helping professionals. Some crises seem so overwhelming that it takes a person from outside the family to help put things into perspective, to help the family get their lives back to manageable proportions.

What things can affect families?



You might be worried about:
  • Parents shouting or arguing with each other
  • Arguments with your parents/stepparents
  • Arguments with your brothers and/or sisters
  • Parents separating or getting divorced
  • Abuse - sexual, emotional or physical
  • Problems with drugs or alcohol
  • Domestic violence
  • Neglect
  • Money worries
  • Being taken into care
  • Cultural differences

Dealing with Divorce

Your parents are getting a divorce. Whether this is expected or unexpected, it is a traumatizing and overwhelming event to experience. Sometimes, teens and children feel like they somehow caused the divorce. However, it is important to remember that it is not your fault. Divorce occurs because of problems between the parents. You will have a lot of feelings regarding the divorce and it is important to speak with another adult or a counselor. Keeping your feelings bottled up can lead to depression.

 What are some emotions I may feel after the divorce? 

  • Shock - especially if you were not expecting the divorce.
  • Anger - either directed at your parents or at no one specifically.
  • Guilt - you feel like the divorce is your fault.
  • Anxiety - worrying about the future and who is going to take care of you.
  • Worrying - you feel that in the future you will get divorced.
  • Fear - afraid of losing a parent.
  • Embarrassed - you do not want people to know that things in your family are changing.
  • Loneliness - no one understands you or understands what you are going through.
  • Relieved - there is now less tension at home.
What can I do to make dealing with divorce easier ?
  • Be fair to both parents: Do not "take sides" and if your parents are persuading you to pick their side, tell them you do not want to. You need to be able to openly talk to or be with a parent without the other getting angry or jealous.
  • Work it out: it will not be easy to coordinate both parents coming to one of your events or games. Sometimes parents feel awkward going to events when the other parent is there.
  • Stay in touch: if you have to alternate time between your mom's house and your dad's house it can be hard on the other parent. Or if your dad takes you on a two - week vacation with him, your mom is going to miss you. Send her a postcard letting her know you miss her and are thinking of her. Or, at home, send her an e - mail asking her how her days was.
  • Don't worry about the future: talk to your parents about your concerns. If you are worried that their divorce might ruin your future plans, let them know about it, and together you can come up with a solution.
  • Keep living your life: Sometimes a divorce can make you feel like you have to put your life on hold to deal with your parents' problem  but you need to live your life. Do what you love to do and if you need support, lean on your friends, other family members, and trusted adults. If there is too much tension at home, see if you can stay with a close friend or relative until things get straightened out.
  • Focus on the positive: divorces happen because parents are not happy with each other anymore. So the result of the divorce might mean that your parents are happier and maybe even have more time to spend with you. You will also learn to cope with tough circumstances and become stronger, which will help you later in life.


Parents with Addiction

You may think you are alone - but you are not. Unfortunately, there are many families across the United States where one of the parents is an alcoholic or drug addict. It is easy to feel like you are the reason why your parent has an alcohol or drug addiction - but that is not true. Nothing you do caused your parent to drink or do drugs. Both are diseases and you need medical attention to overcome them. It is first important to understand the effects of the alcohol or drugs will have on your parent. Then you will understand why your parent is acting the way they are.

How does addiction and alcoholism affect my family?
  • You may feel a range of emotions from frustrated, to sad, to angry, to lonely, to embarrassed.
  • The parent might lose his or her job and might not be able to pay the bills.
  • The parent may not be able to care for all the children, and older siblings will have to help take care of younger siblings.
  • Some parents are physically or verbally abusive to their children or their spouse.
What can I do to make the situation better?
  • First, acknowledge that there is a problem: don't ignore the problem. The first step to helping your parent is recognizing the problem then speaking to a friend, trusted adult or try to call a rehabilitation center.
  • Recognize your feelings: write down your emotions or talk to a friend about them. It is better to voice how you are feeling than bottle it up.
  • Stay informed: Research alcoholism or drug addiction so you can better understand what your parent's illness is.
  • Learn the best way to cope: your parent may be drinking or doing drugs as a way to cope with problems. However, this is not the correct way to deal with issues. Find a role model that copes through positive activities, such as running or singing.
  • Seek help: Alcoholics Anonymous and Alateen are groups that provide help for people who are living with alcoholic parents.
  • Finally, stop the cycle: Because genetics and the environment are important risk factors of alcoholism, children of alcoholic parents are more likely to continue the cycle.
Here are some ways to handle an argument and help you to avoid fighting with your brother(s) or sister(s) : 
Go for a walk or go to a separate rooms in the house, before you lose your temper in an argument.
Talk to your parents about what is bothering you. Most likely they will be able to give you advice.
Set up your own personal space. Even if you share a bedroom, make a little space (even in a corner of your bedroom) that is all yours. Tell your brother or sister that they need to knock before coming into your bedroom or your special area of a shared bedroom.
Respect your brother or sister's personal space too - whether it is their room or a part of your shared bedroom. They will be more likely to show you the same respect in return.
Decide ahead of time how you are going to share the computer. For example, you can figure out separate times when each of you can use it.
Share the remote. Talk ahead of time about what shows you want to watch, then take turns watching your favorite shows if they are on at the same time.
Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if the problem is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.

Here are some tips for how to avoid and handle arguments with your parents:

Discuss the rules ahead of time and not at the last minute. This way you will be able to tell what they will say yes or no to before you make plans. Your parents can also explain to you why each rule is in place. Ask them to give you the chance to explain how the rules make you feel and suggest what you think are appropriate rules. Your parents may be willing to listen to your ideas and use them when making rules that you both agree on.

Try to remain calm and do not lose your temper when your parents say no to something. You will show your parents that you are responsible and mature by talking instead of yelling and listening to what they have to say.

Follow each rule that they set. If your parents tell you to be home at a certain time, stick to it. They may begin to worry about your safety if you are late. By being responsible and by following rules, your parents may be willing to negotiate a later time in the future, especially if they know that you will follow their rules.


Pick your battles. Try to figure out what is really bothering you. This will help you to know if it is worth arguing about. Some issues may be more important than others.

Spend time with your family. Some teens argue with their parents over the amount of time they spend with their friends. Communicate with each other and make some special family time so that you can all enjoy the time you spend at home. Suggest activities that your whole family will enjoy together such as going for a hike, a bike ride, or going to a beach.

Importance of Personal Relationships

Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and wellbeing. There is compelling evidence that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. Conversely, the health risk from being alone or isolated in one's life are comparable to the risks associated with cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity.

Research shows that healthy relationships can help you:
  • Live longer. A review of 148 studies found that people with strong social relationships are 50 % less likely to die prematurely. Similarly, Dan Buettner's Blue Zones research calculates that commiting to a life partner can add 3 years to life expectancy. (Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have found that men's life expectancy benefits from marriage more than women's do.)
  • Deal with stress. The support offered by a caring friend can provide a buffer against the effects of stress. In a study of over 100 people, researchers found that people who completed a stressful task experienced a faster recovery when they were reminded of people with whom they had strong relationships. ( Those who were reminded of stressful relationships, on the other hand, experienced even more stress and higher blood pressure. )
  • Be Healthier. According to research by psychologist Sheldon Cohen, college students who reported having strong relationships were half as likely to catch a common cold when exposed to the virus. 
  • Feel richer. A survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research of 5,000 people found that doubling your group of friends has the same effect on your wellbeing as a 50% increase in income!
On the other hand, low social support is linked to a number of health consequences, such as:
  • Depression. Loneliness has long been commonly associated with depression, and now research is backing this correlation up: a 2012 study of breast cancer patients found that those with fewer satisfying social connections experienced higher levels of depression, pain, and fatigue.
  • Decreased immune funtion. The authors of the same study also found a correlation between loneliness and immune system dysregulation, meaning that a lack of social connections can increase your chances of becoming sick.
  • Higher blood pressure. University of Chicago researchers who studied a group of 229 adults over five years found that loneliness could predict higher blood pressure even years later, indicating that the effects of isolation have long - lasting consequences.



INSIGHT:

There are many different types of family, and it is usually consists of parents and siblings. We cannot deny that there is no perfect family. Every family has its own distinction. It encountered trials that can actually tests the strength of each family member. Whatever may happen, family is still a family. Family is a circle of STRENGTH and LOVE. With every birth and union it grows. Every crisis faced together makes the CIRCLE STRONGER.

Having a happy family, is actually having a healthy body. Whatever emotions you have as an individual, still it can affect your health. So, stay happy, fit and be healthy!




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